Monday, May 3, 2010

Teaching the Younger Generation How Not to Excel

The kids love to play computer games on a website called Webkinz. Kiki recently got very good at playing one of the games and received the following message:


Award Fail
Notice how the "Final Score" has "NaN" as the tally.  We think this stands for (sing-song voice) "nan,nan,nan,nan-nan!"
This note qualifies as passive-aggressive if you quote it with the emphasis on the word "not"--"Your score will NOT be submitted and your KInzCash will NOT be awarded. So there."

Mr. Grumpypant's Lullaby

 

"Mom, come, come quick!  Kiki's holding Shiloh like a baby and there's pretty music!"

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A Perpetual List

Please check the following lists and see if I forgot anything.

Biggest annoyances of childhood:
Trying to open a pocket knife with a flimsy thumbnail
Catching the back of your heel on the screen door
Sticky popsicle juice and no place to wash your hands
Dud firecrackers
Balloons too hard to blow up
Gum that lost its flavor after 45 seconds
Hitting your teeth on a pop bottle
Bazooka comic strips that you couldn’t understand
Plain slush left in the bottom after sucking a slushy dry
Being last
Getting your hair caught in a closing window
Waxy crayons
That panicky feeling of not having a hiding place in hide-n-go-seek
Getting hit with an iceball in a snowball fight
Cats that slid out from under your petting hand
Dogs that knocked you down
The kid holding the hose and spraying everybody
Tasting baking cocoa and feeling betrayed
Grasshoppers that flew drunkenly into your face
Finding out your brother ate all the chips
Breathing in powdered sugar
Falling on your tailbone
Dodgeball

Biggest Annoyances of Adulthood
Customer service people that can't think outside the box
Waiting in line
Paperwork
Paper cuts
Dull potato peelers
Static cling
Losing the whole email you just composed
Stuck staples in a stapler
Low batteries
Weak flush toilets
Losing the cordless phone
Losing the tv remote
Waxy chap-stick
People who merge out of turn
How the smell of vanilla extract and its taste are polar opposites.
Clerks who act annoyed when helping you
Pens that won't write
Wearing socks and stepping in something wet
Recorded phone options when you need a live person
The copyright warning on dvds that you can't skip
A hair in the shower
Cats that slink out from under your petting hand
Finding out someone ate all the chips
Dodgeball


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Guess What's Growing in the Backyard?

He had an inclination to plant seeds.  We were fresh out.  But then it hit me--we have wheat kernels. So we planted them and...wallah!
He's growing wheat grass.

Tristan got a haircut.
I wonder what's going on in that little noggin of his? Do we truly ever think of nothing? What did I think of when I was his age?
candy
candy
my turn
I get cherry
I get grape
not it
you're it
I'm telling
me first
no fair
just go
beat'cha

can I have one
wanna trade
look out
watch this
dibs
wait up
can I come
you're mean
can I play?
candy
It's got to be one of those.  Except that Tristan asks really deep questions out of the blue, so he could be thinking of something like he said last night, "Mom, how did God think of sounds? Like when you drop a glass and it goes chink, how did He think of that?"
Let's take another look......

 Neh, he's thinking of candy.

The downward bounce on the trampoline makes Greyson's face go down,

And Kiki's hair go up.

I'm playing with my camera. I like this lighting, but I think it's technically incorrect because there is not enough light on the face.  Is it a technique or a mistake?  Maybe this is why photographers carry a silver umbrella, to throw light on the face.  Dare I walk around with a silver umbrella?
Camera jockeys please inform.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Almost Put it Away

This is a snowballer.  Cousin Heather gave it to us for Christmas. I almost put it away for the spring, but since the Supersoaker 2000 watergun stayed in our backyard all winter long, I figured I shouldn't break my streak.

This is a dog chewing on a dog toy. I almost put her away too.  Just kidding. I point this out only to call your attention to the slippery chew toy she's gnawing on.

Dog toy and snowballer--A happy marriage.

 It can be employed all summer long now.

And it holds up to the most strenuous use. Do you think they could have doubled their sales if they had included these pictures in their catalog?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Steering Lord Chesterfield

It seems like God has endowed everyone with little gifts, little gifts that maybe others don't even know about, like the ability to tie the perfect bow or an uncanny sense for finding shortcuts. I think mine might be--keeping the ball rolling. If you've ever watched those black and white movies from the 1930's where a grand lady sits at the head of a dinner party and gently steers the conversation with, "Lord Chesterfield, I hear the hunt went remarkably well yesterday?"  and then as soon as Lord Chesterfield is done regaling the table with the harrowing events of yesterday's hunt, the hostess says, "Lady Dalton is freshly arrived from Austria, what's this about a narrow escape you met with on the steamer?"--that's what I mean by keeping the ball rolling.

Yesterday I discovered it wasn't so much a gift as it was a compulsion.  I went to get a haircut. Luckily, it's only around the corner in a neighbor's shop/home.  She's a french neighbor, so conversation is somewhat difficult, but you pay no heed to that when you must keep the ball rolling.  I had debated if I should even keep my appointment because I was fast running out of steam with this Post Viral Syndrome. I had an inkling it may have been best to stay at home and rest. But my reasoning won out--I'll just be sitting there, I can rest--I'd forgotten about keeping the ball rolling.  So even though my lungs were begging me to keep quiet and not use the precious air they needed just to breathe, my neighbor and I discussed a myriad of topics while she wielded her scissors on my shorn head-

post viral syndrome (of course)
the square footage and layout of her backyard
the french/English conflict in the province of Quebec
the social and environmental impact of the Inuit territories 
our first pick for traveling abroad
how she lost 20 pounds
the extracurricular activities of her children
museums and culture in Ireland
transport options
starting dates from transplanting gardens
good neighbors vs. bad neighbors

I had no breath, but I was compelled. I really just couldn't sit there and let the conversation fall flat. Compulsion is a blessing and a curse. After that hair cut appointment I was rendered useless and had to go to bed, after I made dinner, and after I called to see how my mom made it through her hip operation, and after I saw all the little haircuts the boys had.  I should have just gone to bed, but I was...compelled.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why I Hate Canada on Tuesday


Monday

Tuesday

Monday

Tuesday

Monday

Tuesday

Spring was here.  And then, like these tulips..
It bowed it's tired head beneath winter's last blow.


It had opened it's delicate petals in promise of the sun's warmth and care...
...and had gotten a face full of slush.
I feel a "Life is like a blooming tulip..." saying coming on.


What used to be...

Is no more.

Tuesday lasts forever.

Hey, I see some deck furniture.

We bought it to herald the coming summer.
Pull up a chair, and have a seat.

Tuesday is so-
wrong.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa